Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
