3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
