I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
