Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
