You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
