Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
