Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
