she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
