No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
