NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
