Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
