I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
