thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
