well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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