We're like a lot better than the average bears
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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