is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
