i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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