nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Quick, to the slutcave!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
