So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
