you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
