you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
