woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
