Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
