i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
