Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
