in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
