Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
