It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
