I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
