I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
