Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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