I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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