Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
