Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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