Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
