I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
