I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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