I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
