Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
