Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
