Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
