idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
