she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
