you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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