U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Are we in a gay sports bar?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
