What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
