just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
