i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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