i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
