the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
