my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
