hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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