sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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