my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
