He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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